Recently I had a long talk with my oldest (who is 18 yrs, who is home finally from his 17 day trip) about friendships. He has had this one friend since he was 4 years old. That friend moved to our current town about 2 years before we did, so they've been together since preschool days. This friend has been good to my son, been there, etc. But the thing that is very different about this kid than my kid, is that this boy has never had any drive. He never has had many goals or desires to go on and be someting after high school etc. It doesn't make him less of a friend, just one without much amibition other than to "hang out".
So my son came to me today talking about his friend and how he finally got a job after HS (it's been 8 months since they both graduated). His pal is now the newest member at a car wash placehere in town, washing semi's at a truck stop. The kid apparently thinks it's "the shit". Ryan thinks it's great that he got a job, but definitely doesn't think it's "the shit". I guess he tried to have a talk with his friend about goals for the future. It wasn't getting far and my son came home frustrated. I tried to talk to him about friendships. You can be there for someone, hang out, have a great time and it doesn't mean that you have to like all things the same, have the same goals, dress alike, etc. One of my closest friends is 135 pounds, which I clearly am not. She is very athletic, I am not. She walks 40 miles a week, I am lucky to walk 7-9. She is a full time teacher, I am a stay at home mom with no college background. But I love her. We have a great time together. We laugh together, we cry together, we enjoy each others company and even joke around about how we are totally different.......I think that in general I have a lot of friends that are totally different than me. We have some things that are simular, but all in all a lot of things that are different. And I told him that it's ok! It's ok. Friendship isn't about having everything in common, or doing the same things, eating the same meals, or sweating to the same amount of miles walked....it's about loving someone for who they are. It's about enjoying who you are when you are with them. Listening to who they are and who they want to be and respecting that. Friends are what carry you through good times and the bad, regardless if you have nothing in common but a good laugh. I love my friends---the ones that look like me, act like me, eat and dress like me--and I definitely love the ones that don't just the same.........
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Introduction/Ryan
So here I am.....my first blog. I have a few friends that blog and suggested I start blogging awhile ago....so I figured I'd give it a try. The fact that I do not work means that maybe I will blog a lot, or maybe I wont find it theraputic and I wont use it all. I guess we will see. I am Cat, also known as Jackie. I have 2 teenage boys-18 and just about to turn 15. The whole reason I felt the blog was possibly needed.
I have an 18 year old son. If any of you have an 18 year old, you already understand and I could probably stop writing this blog right here and now. Because you know what I am going through. You know what I am going to write before you keep reading........When your child is small he thinks you know everything and asks for help. When your child is 18 you suddenly know nothing and they would rather get help from anyone other than you. My son has always been a well rounded kid, thought highly of himself (not judging, just stating) and has akways been confident. Sometimes it's a good trait and other times not so much. We joke about it, he knows his flaws. Recently he was dumped by his girlfriend of two years. I don't think he knew how to take it all or how to handle something he couldn't control. She has gone on her way and he had to get out of town. He has spent the last 2 weeks in a town 4 hours away visiting old friends. I know he needed this to cope but it has been hard on me. I am glad that he is gone dealing with what has happened and having fun with his old buddies. I wondered when the break up happened how "I" would deal. This girl had been part of our lives for almost 2 years. We cared for her, fed her, carted her around when her parents weren't here to do so. I wondered if I would have a mourning process as well as my son. But I didn't. I realized soon after the break up what a breath of fresh air it was not to have her here anymore. That the sound of her voice was annoying as all hell. Listening to them play kissy face, bicker or laugh around the house was more annoying than I had realized. I hate that his heart is broken.....I hate that he felt like he had to escape our home to get over her, and I hate that I am wondering how his mood will be when he does come home. I try to be supportive, because I love him. But at the same time I am happy that they are apart. He has his whole life ahead of him. New friends, new girls, new opportunities.....why chain yourself to your HS girlfriend at 18? So I an dealing with all of this.....and I think the reason it is breaking my heart that he doesn't want to be here, at home, is because I will be saying goodbye to my son in 6 weeks when he leaves for boot camp. I have 6 weeks left. 6 weeks left of him being here in my home, under my care, as a family of 4. 6 weeks will go by fast. and then it will be gone. The little boy I have had for 18 years will leave. I know that everyone always says things like WHERE DID THE TIME GO? But seriously, where did it go? I can remember everything like it was yesterday. Birthdays, tantrums, Christmases, clothes shopping, first days at summer camp, first days of school. People always prepare you to have a baby and give advice. Where is the advice or the preperations for when your kid leaves home? Can anyone explain what that feels like? And then there are the days when he says something completely assnine and I think to myself OMG when does he leave? so he can go and grow up and become a man.......and then I feel guilty for feeling that way.
This is me. this is my dilemma as of now. thanks for reading....
I have an 18 year old son. If any of you have an 18 year old, you already understand and I could probably stop writing this blog right here and now. Because you know what I am going through. You know what I am going to write before you keep reading........When your child is small he thinks you know everything and asks for help. When your child is 18 you suddenly know nothing and they would rather get help from anyone other than you. My son has always been a well rounded kid, thought highly of himself (not judging, just stating) and has akways been confident. Sometimes it's a good trait and other times not so much. We joke about it, he knows his flaws. Recently he was dumped by his girlfriend of two years. I don't think he knew how to take it all or how to handle something he couldn't control. She has gone on her way and he had to get out of town. He has spent the last 2 weeks in a town 4 hours away visiting old friends. I know he needed this to cope but it has been hard on me. I am glad that he is gone dealing with what has happened and having fun with his old buddies. I wondered when the break up happened how "I" would deal. This girl had been part of our lives for almost 2 years. We cared for her, fed her, carted her around when her parents weren't here to do so. I wondered if I would have a mourning process as well as my son. But I didn't. I realized soon after the break up what a breath of fresh air it was not to have her here anymore. That the sound of her voice was annoying as all hell. Listening to them play kissy face, bicker or laugh around the house was more annoying than I had realized. I hate that his heart is broken.....I hate that he felt like he had to escape our home to get over her, and I hate that I am wondering how his mood will be when he does come home. I try to be supportive, because I love him. But at the same time I am happy that they are apart. He has his whole life ahead of him. New friends, new girls, new opportunities.....why chain yourself to your HS girlfriend at 18? So I an dealing with all of this.....and I think the reason it is breaking my heart that he doesn't want to be here, at home, is because I will be saying goodbye to my son in 6 weeks when he leaves for boot camp. I have 6 weeks left. 6 weeks left of him being here in my home, under my care, as a family of 4. 6 weeks will go by fast. and then it will be gone. The little boy I have had for 18 years will leave. I know that everyone always says things like WHERE DID THE TIME GO? But seriously, where did it go? I can remember everything like it was yesterday. Birthdays, tantrums, Christmases, clothes shopping, first days at summer camp, first days of school. People always prepare you to have a baby and give advice. Where is the advice or the preperations for when your kid leaves home? Can anyone explain what that feels like? And then there are the days when he says something completely assnine and I think to myself OMG when does he leave? so he can go and grow up and become a man.......and then I feel guilty for feeling that way.
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